April 27, 2017

Single Page Bio.

You kinda asked for it...

I'm applying for a volunteer position with a local organization and was going through the paperwork. At the end of the short-answer section, they asked for a one page biography. A single page. Two pages are not allowed, but a single page would be grat. Do not go past a single page. But, they also said that I could be creative. Here is the bio that I submitted to them. Now I just have to wait and see if I'll get a callback.

Darren Fix is a professional programmer and expert troubleshooter living in Kalispell, Mt. Although he was born too early to single handedly write the entire code base for the Apollo space mission, he has helped companies such as Microsoft, Eli Lilly, Texaco, Kenworth Trucks, Wells Fargo Bank and Pennzoil to leverage synergies by creating custom ordered packages of digital instructions.

To the great dismay of his enemies, Darren was born in Odessa, Tx. He soon realized that he wanted a better life for his family, so they packed up and moved to Corpus Christi, Tx, where his little brother, Kevin, was born less than a year later. Still not satisfied, Darren would move his family to Omaha before finally settling down in Conroe, Tx, just in time to start first grade. An avid sportsman, he won both the one and three hole tournaments before deciding to abandon competitive golf in search of something that wouldn’t make his legs itch so much.

In high school, Darren finally found a worthy opponent, one that could not easily be vanquished. Enshrined in the Armistice of 1985, Darren formally capitulated and ended the long-standing war with his arch-nemesis, the Humidity of the Gulf Coast region. While the term exile was never formally used, Darren did agree to attend the Verde Valley School in Sedona, Az for his Jr. and Sr. years. While there, he made the most out of some of his time by serving as a RA, peer counsellor, admissions representative, Sr. Class president, thespian, choralist, tennis coach, scullery attendant and member of the fire brigade. Twice, he spent a thirteen day period embedded with a family in rural Sonora, Mexico, with nothing but his sharp wits and rudimentary Spanish to help him thrive. A humanitarian to the core, he was also known for covering the office phones so that the staff could eat lunch amongst their peers.

Too busy to participate in the NCAA signing day of 1987, Darren eventually decided to attend New York University, which in hindsight, might not have been the best choice for a 17 year old from Conroe. Still, he was able to pursue his dream of becoming a sabreur, which definitely would soon come in handy someday, probably.

Never forgetting his secret vow to crush his arch-nemesis, Darren enlisted in the US Navy, choosing to dedicate his time to mastering the electronics necessary to engage his foes with surface to air missiles from very, very far away. During his first deployment as a FC3 to SW Asia, he singled handedly created the PQS for the Mk14 WDS and was awarded a NAM by his CO. It wasn’t until a year later, during his second deployment, that he vanquished his enemy, Humidity, from Southwest Asia.

Little did he know, that upon returning home, he would come face to face with

Hmmm, I wonder what would have happened if I was allowed to write two pages? ;)

Tags: My Stories